When Working From Home Is Not Easy
photo credit: king nikochan
I have read a few posts about how to get organized when you are working from home. But they always concentrate on ‘normal’ situations: how to be a work-at-home Mom, how you need to close the door on the rest of your life, how to deal with a friend who’s dropping in for coffee, etc. I have been through all that, and I am usually quite good, as I can often spare a few minutes or hours, when the need arises.
But this week I came across a problem that is not going to disappear, and I have to face the facts.
After my interpreting assignment, I had plenty of time to tackle a sizable translation project. I knew that I could work on it part of the last weekend, and this week, so there was plenty of time.
Except for one little grain of sand that almost stopped my well-oiled machine. An elderly parent had a medical problem, and a great deal of my energy (and emotions) was consumed in hospital trips, lots of negotiation, etc.
When my children were young, it was harrowing enough, but I was able to plan and organize things around them, and there weren’t many deviations from the plan. I had a nanny who came and looked after them, even when I was working from home. As they grew, I was able to rely on some students to pick them up from school when I was away.
This week I realized that you can get your children to take a lot from you, but you can’t do that to your parents, or you have to pay a high emotional price, that in turn has implications for your concentration. With age, people can become much more demanding than children. And if you are not working in a proper office, with an assistant to filter out calls, you end up, during the emergency itself (this was not a life-threatening one), rushing to the hospital, chatting to the patient, talking to nurses, waiting for doctors, and various other tasks. Afterwards, you get urgent phone calls and you get to encourage, push, pull, advise a panicked adult, you expend an incredible amount of energy, whilst your computer screen is screaming: Hey, what about me?
Fortunately, I was able to finish that job. In a situation like this, and I have been there before for other reasons, I wonder: how do people in employment manage, how do they feel? I may be the only one, but being at home, I feel bad enough trying to go back to my translation, just after saying: ‘No, I am not going there, I can’t do this for you now, because I’m busy finishing a project.’
How would you cope?
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April 5th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
That’s indeed a very stressful situation, and I have no correct or valid answer to offer myself. I guess this is where we have to reconsider our way we prioritize our core values. A powerful teaching of let-go and trust.
April 5th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
I am so sorry to hear about your challenge and wish you did not have to go through it.
Sadly though, I do not have any easy answer as I don’t think there is any easy answer to such a crisis. A lot will depend on how long the crisis goes on and how severe. At a certain point, one has to make the best choice that they can and that may include getting help from others. One person can only do so much and caregivers must take care of themselves too.
There is a saying, ” a mother is only as happy as her un-happiest child” and to a certain extent, I think it applies to everyone close to us. If they are in crisis, it will affect us and if we work at home, in an office or even if we are retired, it will add stress.
My step-father got liver cancer this year & the stress it caused my mother and him, affected us deeply despite being continents apart. The same is true of my father’s recent crisis. Fortunately, I have other siblings that help nearby and things are looking better, but we always have to be at the ready to drop everything and fly in for reinforcement.
As a member of the sandwich generation, I find it hard to know how to walk that line in balance and I suppose each of us learn as we walk through it. My heart sends you and your loved ones peace and health!
April 6th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Nadine, I myself often think about if such situations ever happen to me, how shall I deal with it? I often think about this to prepare my mind for emergencies.
Of course my answer would always be I have to take care of my family members, then work. But sometimes it could be a tough decision. But we freelancers have few choices when dealing such difficulties.
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April 7th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Hi Nadine, it is fortuitous that I discovered your blog today. I have just started a small business in Finland and am getting things up and running slowly but surely.
Unfortunately my mother (who lives alone, and on another continent) is not coping with things, and is suffering from physical and psychological problems. The timing could not be worse, as I have nearly gone through all my savings getting my business set up. I have to decide the best way to go forward, as it seems I will have to go home to try and deal with things (I’m an only child). I am finding this experience traumatic, and feel quite alone in the world.
Thank you for blogging about this - as a self-employed person, one’s own sickness or disability is regarded as the worst case scenario. But this is much worse - and requires some difficult decisions.
Best wishes to you and your ill parent!
April 15th, 2008 at 9:33 am
Thank you all for your words of support. We do not often realize how difficult other people’s lives can be. Sending each one of you my very best wishes.